Thank you for reading and for replying. I’m glad people have gotten something useful from my story. I appreciate the kind words. I got so much out of reading here 6 plus years ago after H left. I was in a dark place and felt so hopeless. The stories and advice here kept my head above water. It also helped me to not feel alone in the madness.
Things are going well for us. H has been back 5.5 years. I couldn’t have seen back then where we could be today. I held onto the belief that things would heal in time and they have. Triggers and painful memories do fade. We don’t have rose tinted glasses on and I don’t hold him on a pedestal anymore. I think the relationship is fairly steady and he is more free to be himself. I have learned the art of compromise and letting go of the small things. He never told me that I pushed him away and was critical and controlling, but I’ve come to understand how I was. I don’t want to be that kind of person. I like who I am more now. I like who he is more now too. He’s stronger in his views, stands up to others and is able to find time for himself now.
We are landscaping our yard and remodeling a detached garage in the yard. We have owned this home for 10 years and the back has been mostly dirt and a big cr0p hole for the dogs. Now it’s evolving into this beautiful oasis. It’s been amazing to work on this together and look forward to the space. We have hired people for the larger projects, but H has done some of it himself. It’s impressive how much he can do — gardening, heavy lifting, electrical, building structures, you name it! ... it’s also nice that we are creating something new and awesome together. I keep reading about marriage 2.0 but I’m not sure what that means. Some things in the M are the same, some different, and we continue forward, together.
H had Covid last month. It was very mild and we were fortunate for that and that they rest of us didn’t get it. The kids and I all quarantined for 2 weeks and then tested negative. Then I go back to work and see people dying from it. It’s all very strange and uncertain indeed. I hope we can find some answers to this virus and heal as a nation. This has been such a messy year and there has been so much loss, suffering and divisiveness. I’m trying more and more to think for myself and not let politics corrupt me.
I do have a good suggestion for anyone that likes podcasts on relationships. Esther Perel (my other fav psychologist on Ms) has a podcast called Where Should We Begin. It really helps to listen to these couples and her advice to them. She has helped me think about M issues and how they relate to our childhood and upbringing and not only the present day problems. I’m trying to better accept and appreciate why we are the way we are and that our greatest strengths are often our same weaknesses. Over 6.5 years later and I’ve come to fully believe that my own Hs A (OW) has nothing to do with who she was or his feelings about her and that she herself was irrelevant.
Stay healthy all!
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
