Journey of me and H Part 1

[DnJ]

Good Morning PLC

You are so right. MLCers can change direction in an instant. The way they ping pong about is enough to give one whiplash trying to follow them.

It’s not unusual for MLCers to spend money. Some burn through it at an alarming rate. It sounds like H’s new credit cards would be just in his name. As suggested, ensure those are clearly his debt, and not marital debt.

H’s forceful assertion that he remembers about the bonuses, is rather telling that he did forget. Emotionally immature crisis people tend to lash out and blame instead of owning their follies.

There is also some truth in “I don’t forget anything”. Well truth, from his skewed perspective. If one forgets, then one cannot know they forgot, therefore they feel they don’t forget. And, of course, we all know how well MLCer’s face reality. Even the truth about a conversation of bonuses can be ignored. They are that good at rewriting their narrative. Seriously, you couldn’t explain that the sky is blue if H feels it is red. Also, MLCers lie, and manipulate. And they have the attention span and memory of a gnat.

Somewhere within all of that ^^^ is what actually happened. However, you are where you are facing taxes, property tax, car insurance, and so on. It looks like a loan of some type is going to be required to ride this one out.

MLCers are terrible with money. His choice to spend the bonus elsewhere was not discussed and of course you are mad.

Good for you realizing you got madder from actually telling someone (IRL) about H. That is a big step. We do keep this private for a while. It depends on each situation, unfolding events, and the person/people involved for how long this remains held in; eventually it does come out.

That telling is an acknowledgment of the loss. It makes it more emotionally real for you. It’s a step closer to acceptance. And it is a step of grief, specifically anger.

Your feelings are healthy and normal. We all need to get stuff off our chest to move forward. Do remember, feeling are fleeting, let the anger wash over you. It will take what time it takes; it is only temporary.

I think you did fine with you conversation with H. However, you later found out he has more credit cards and a horrible credit score. What do you think you are going to do with that knowledge. Tell him, confront, ignore? My immediate suggestion is to wait. Let your feeling subside a bit. You have bills that require paying, and nothing you do with H is going to matter; the money is gone. Look after this immediate concern and then look at what to do regarding finances and H.

Perhaps you need to transfer out his portion from the account into a separate account he does not have access to. He did say after all that he would just give you the checks right away. Leave him his portion and ensure the household can run properly. If he pushes against something like ensuring household expenditure are covered first, then more legally enforceable options may have to be implemented.

In his world he is a teenager and would use up all equity without really understanding it needs to be paid back. You don’t want to get into the hole. Financial security and protection are important. Luckily, you are a levelheaded gal, who will have no problem securing her future.

It was a weird feeling, we do not fight, I know he lies, but I didn’t get the distinct feeling he was thinking of leaving anytime soon. I was on the edge of saying, I don’t want to have a huge mortgage so we need to discuss further. I will look I to loans, I did ask him if he wanted a second or a refi and he asked for whatever is better for the house. So we will see.

You do know H pretty well, even alien H you know albeit to a much lesser degree. It’s ok to reservedly trust your feelings that he is not leaving anytime soon. I suspect you would feel much different if he was more on the cusp of leaving. That being said, do not make important decisions based on feelings, these MLCers can change on a dime. This is more for day to day life, and remaining calm and free of worry about walking on eggshells.

It does appear that H is not wanting to be involved with, or upset about you looking after, the finances. He extends trust to your judgement of what to do, to choose which ever option is better. I find that interesting. Too early to tell what it means, still interesting nonetheless.

Continue forward girl. You are doing well.

D