It is wonderful to hear from you. And with such interesting and exciting developments.
H is living at home, attending church, going to therapy, talking, and even planning a birthday getaway. Wow!
I can understand your being reserved about all this. Yes, H is still a fragile person. Barely out of the darkness, and getting used to living within his own skin. This takes about 18 months; don’t set a stop watch though, it will take what it takes. But of course, you know that.
Originally Posted by Grace21
as I know from these boards, H is still fragile, and I will have to sometimes suck it up, well, maybe not sometimes but a lot, and wait for better moments to address the past and some of his current struggles, some of which he doesn’t know I know about. We really haven’t started that process yet.
You are correct.
Continue to bite your tongue. Dig really deep for patience. The time for addressing and discussing will come.
Some things others have posted from reconciled and beyond MLC. Those items that are so seemly important right now, do loose their priority and their need to be discussed as time progresses. A new R is being created and lived. Some of the old issues will be left by the wayside, and that is perfectly fine.
Imagine in 5 years from now, or 10, what is currently so pressing to get answered will not even matter. Perspective helps keep patience. Answers will come, no need to push for them. H will offer and speak about things, in time. He needs too, it releases his guilt. Continue to be the safe place for him. You have always done such an excellent job of not placing boulders in his path.
I think H has a very difficult year ahead of him. As he faces more and more of what he has done, and what he was running from, there will be feelings stirred. After running, there is depression, withdrawal, and finally acceptance. From what I’ve read, the stage of withdrawal is truly life altering. Lots of internal reflection and progressing before the final shedding into acceptance. This is a little bit in the future however.
I totally empathize with your rising feelings of impatience. And I have much faith in you. You are an amazing women, with much hard earned wisdom. Truly, a woman only a fool would leave. Remain calm, gentle, and peaceful; life is good.
I agree completely with you. God is working on your H. Remain patient, there is a timeline - it’s just not your’s.
We need to remember to allow God to work within us too. His message is all around. And I know you have heard it as well.
I am curious. Do you forgive H?
Bless you Grace. You are doing amazing.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
