Trying to keep hope

[MrBrside]

I don’t really have an urge to see or talk to W right now. I’ve been doing so much better with that out of sight and out of mind. I think more so I’m just trying to pick others brains to see what helped in their sitch.

I've said this before - several times.. You have no house, no children - nothing really that you need to wife for. BUT i think from your recent posts, this contact from her has set you back - not healthy - But what else has it shown - If you replied to say there was nothing to talk about if still with the OM, and she hasnt replied - She is still with OM..

So, regardless of the fact that she was still loving life with OM, she decided to tell you ILY, IMY etc - Why - Control and basic WW selfishness / keep then stung along etc etc - we have seen it 1000 times before.

This has set you spinning - If she does it again, i would block all contact.. You need to remember this is about focusing on you.. She is focusing on her / plan B / control... You can't control this, but you can control your own actions and responses.. With no kids and no other reason to speak,you can take the control and stop her actions impacting you as much...

Re what helps in sitchs.. every person is different.. Looking back, and on reflection, although i am opinionated about walking away now, i suspect that while DBing in Jan / Feb 2019, i would have forgot all i read on here and taken the WW back with open arms.. She was sleeping with OM3 ( and i now know OM2 ) and running the WW script to a T.. But for the love of the family / her / kids yada yada yada i suspect i would have found a way to justify taking her back if she dropped OM3.

And i will add - WW can smell this.. Although we try to enforce these techniques, they are always proding and poking for that weekness - Your wife knows that if she drops OM, you will take her back tomorrow - and i strongly suspect you would do it without making her work. You may be staying stong with keeping No contact, but if you told her there was nothing to discuss while with other man, her mind will be "Oh right, hes not interested because im with OM - if i drop OM tomorrow, hes a plan B"... So although you may not have danced to her tune, you showed her you will still dance one day.

Then ( in my sitch ) the rose tinted glasses broke - it was 1 comment... a few words which changed my life. It was a monday evening and she was due to meet a "friend" (OM3 ) - my Grandad ( who i was really close to ) had a stroke and WW had to look after the children - she accused me of "making up my grandad having a stroke to stop her meeting her "friend" .. She then proceeded to call and text me multiple at the hospital to check when i was back as she had plans... So my Grandad has had a stroke ( never recovered ) and her focus is me getting back for the children, so she can see OM. It was the a cruel / evil comment, but it was the end.. There was no going back, ever..

This was the best thing to happen in my sitch - 1 comment and i was free. There was no fake till you make it... She was effectively dead to me and always will be.. Sandy writes that WW are selfish.. I class her words as sheer evil, but it opened my eyes.. Everything we have highlighted about you WW has not sunk in to your brain, becuase you ae still in the LBS fog. Regardless of her being a bad partner and probably a bad mother, you would take her back.

Unfortunetly nobody knows that will be your glasses smash trigger. Once it does, you will see everything so differently - You will read the words from people on your posts differently - you will reflect back differently - and most importantly, you will see your future differently - and you will be eager to move forward with life, without WW..

However, you probbaly wont know what will trigger this until it happens..