After I gave the okay to move the TV this morning, I came home to find H telling me how he'd gotten it set up in his room and cleaned under the console where it used to be. He's moving the remaining components neither of us are using right now out to the garage so I can have room for a desk in the living room if I want. He's all in this super accommodating great mood and is cleaning up his room, which has been a dump for the last year, organizing stuff with new cheap shelves, etc. It's depressing me because I just think he's that much happier in his little room and will never leave. I mean, he was already mostly holed up in there, but now he's got a TV... I don't want us to be friendly roommates at this point. A few months ago I probably would have been happy he was being so friendly and "normal," but at this point it doesn't feel genuine at all, because I know tomorrow he could be spewing about how I don't deserve to be here or all of this is my fault, etc etc. It just feels fake. Plus, I feel like I've been in this situation so long, I lose sight of the fact that this is not okay--he's been dating someone and wanting a D and hasn't filed the D. He's not being kind to me whether he is friendly in the moment or not, because that kindness would entail moving out, or divorcing me before he started dating, or...
Also left from the console--a box of letters that has many of the letters I wrote him and letters he wrote me when we were dating and in our early M, plus photos of us from college/dating and after. At what point do I need to go through those? I'd like to give him the letters I wrote him and some of the photos--whether he keeps them or not is not my problem. But it just seems so wrong to leave a M and all those real, concrete artifacts of it behind, even if you are moving on. (Not to say he wouldn't do just that.) Is this something that I just put off until one of us is actually moving out? Same with all the photos of us still up all over the house.
