Just don't want it to come across as an ultimatum or controlling.
You see INDY this is a lot of the reason why you are in this situation. You have NGS and that is a turn off for most women. You are worried how you are going to come off to her WTF????? You will see years down the road and it will make you sick to your stomach when you think about the BS you put up with from your W.
Anyways it's not an ultimatum it is a boundary that every married person should have when dealing with APs.
Think about boundaries like this:
Boundaries are not about controlling the other person, because boundaries are about drawing "circles" around *you* and determining what you will and won't allow inside that circle.
Your wayward wife can do whatever she wants OUTSIDE that circle. You are not telling her what to do.
But you will only let into that circle people who treat you with respect.
She's free to go on treating you with disrespect, but you won't know about it because she'll be outside your circle. She's free to go on and draw her own boundaries of no expectations and no responsibilities, outside your circle.
She can do WHATEVER she wants. She's a free person, free to make WHATEVER choices she wants.
BUT SO ARE YOU, and you are free to choose who to allow within your circle.
That's all. Not about trying to control her at all. Tell her she's totally free. She has the WHOLE WORLD, outside your circle, to go and do whatever she wants.
If she's saying you have to let her into your circle no matter what, then THAT is about HER controlling YOU.
