Finding the man I want to be, alone. Pack_19 part3

[Pack_19]

For me an open M is a deal breaker as I said but I am such a weak person in front of her I dont know how to bring it up. Could I get some help from the board? I want this clarified, for me is not fair to be treated in this way, I would not do it to anyone and I cannot stand someone doing this to me. Again I have only heard a rumor but it is killing me inside.

Pack. You keep asking for help on this board but are you actually listening to the advice?

You have already told her MULTIPLE times that it's not fair. You keep trying to clarify. She gets it - it doesn't change anything for HER.

So knowing that - what can YOU do for YOU? If an open marriage is truly a deal breaker for YOU - then initiate the divorce. Not as some tactic or some way to prove something to her (which IMHO would be your reasoning behind actually initiating it).

If you don't want to be treated a certain way... then stop it. You have all the power here. Not over her but your own life. Do you see that??

STOP looking to your w for the answers. STOP holding her responsible for your feelings and your life. The sooner you can switch your focus from her to you - the better you will be.

Hi Valeska, thanks for your comment.

It would not be a tactic or way to tell her anything, I really dont want to be in a S thinking not all is said when the other person is doing that. It is a way to control my situation. It just blows my mind how obscure she is about this, she will not talk to me if it is not the kids and then she will despise me if I make any questions on the subject as if I was making up everything.

Sorry I feel like I am being stubborn here, it's just that I cannot take the D step without confirmation, that is just not me and that is not how I see our M. I dont want to force my opinions on her, I dont want to control her, I want to make an informed decision and I feel like I cannot do as of now.

I want to take that control back in my life and happiness. When I think about my situation, there are many things I can do with friends and family but I am still stuck in between the house in Germany I need to sell and the situation with our Ls and the separation agreement. What I mean is that I feel those as weights in my current situation.

I want to do my thing, focus on my PIES goals and leave her be.