Congratulations on the job!! That is awesome!! I think it is terrific and agree with all your friends that starting a job doesn't mean you can't quit in a few months if you decide it is best for you to move to a different city. This gives you a lot more freedom and control and ability to make decisions without worrying about your H and what he will or won't do financially. Also, it helps you to establish a broader work history -- always easier to move jobs when you're in one than when you aren't.
I think you handled all that very, very well. Really impressive. You seem far less drawn in emotionally to his garbage and the very fact that you were so calm in the moment, can reflect on what makes most sense for you and what is driving any need to push back, is really really great.
I do think that to the extent you can simply not care what is going on in his mind and whether or not he thinks he can order you around, or tell you what you do/don't deserve financially, the better. If he feels more in control *and* you are getting what you want/need, that is better for you as you're spared his BS.
On the desk location-- yes, choose the best place to WFH for you. I don't think it is asking too much to have him wear headphones (it is probably not a bad idea for you to as well). And if it doesn't work out, move somewhere else.
On the car insurance... if it were me, I would probably just pay the insurance too, not pay the registration or whatever if he isn't going to sign it over, and take it as a free car for awhile. you might, though, look into buying a car of your own-- without knowing any of the numbers, I could imagine that there is a chance that you could lease something pretty inexpensively (or maybe buy a used electric car which would also save on gas?) and you might even get a better insurance deal with just your name on it than your H's too, depending on his driving history.
You being stepped on or standing up for yourself-- to me, it seems like a perspective thing. if you know you're doing the right thing for yourself, you're doing the right thing and standing up for yourself, even if you did that just by saying nothing. If he thinks he got to squash you but you aren't squashed... who cares what he thinks? You know the truth and can be secure in the knowledge that you're doing the right thing for yourself and for the right reasons. Him feeling smug for getting one over you is no different from him thinking all the other ridiculous things he's been thinking.
Sounds like things are going well for you, Cardinal... you're doing great.
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
