I’m coming around to a mindset that perhaps the answers will present themselves when it’s time. I dunno?
I too saw leaving as another failure for a long time. And this mindset once again proved true, as suddenly I was open to considering other possibilities that came with leaving. I couldn't have gotten there any sooner than I did. My friend said it was as if I'd been "buffering" for a month (though really it's probably more accurate to say that it started on some level at BD). Once I got the interview, I realized that I was really ready to leave and felt almost a little disappointed when I got the job offer. And, as I wrote above, I've been conflicted about staying now. You remind me that I should probably look at this again with the answers in time mindset. Here's an answer for now: I'm staying and have a job. Maybe different answers will come in time.
Originally Posted by bttrfly
The point is, you're open to at least the possibility. That is huge.
Thanks for saying that, bttrfly. It did feel huge to find myself open to the possibility, and then almost ready to embrace it. This feels like a really big shift--the focus is so much more on me and what I want my future to look like. Do I still have times when I think of a memory and wish things were different? Yeah. I was reading one of May's updates recently and realized some little part of me still hopes for reconciliation in the future. I suppose I just have to acknowledge that desire still exists, and let it exist alongside the steps I'm taking for my own future.
Originally Posted by bttrfly
That was my choice, and here we are 4 years later and I'm glad I played it that way, for my son's sake. However, we were not living together and had little to no contact. Your sitch is different.
It will be interesting to see how I feel over the next few months. I think if we weren't living together and had no contact, I would be more at peace. If we are both still living here next year and H has not filed, I might feel differently about really wanting him to own his decision to D.
I am glad your chickens are happy and enjoying their home! We just have a few small partitions in our coop to act as nesting boxes, and they usually all fight over the same spot. Our chickens are molting, and there are feathers everywhere. I'm going to have to clean out the coop soon. Also, I am feeling like your friend--I can't imagine living in this state long-term and going through these fires year after year. If I actually owned a house and had to evacuate, or rebuild, as so many have... it would be even harder to want to stay. All that and the cost of living? It's a lot to handle.
