I told her that was a very unfortunate message, I was not proud of it and I thought there was value in our family and that she was the best thing that ever has happened to me.
This behavior is repeated over & over again. The words may change a little from time to time, but the message you put out there is the same.
This action is self-defeating, b/c you pursue a wife who no longer wants you. You continue the same behavior and expect different results.
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I am feeling very discouraged lately because with a cold mind I see it has been 13 months and I have never received a sign of doubt or positive reinforcement from W. She is indeed done with me and all I think is that the problems we had are easily solvable.
In your opinion the problems are easily solvable. She does not agree with your opinion. You have tried to make her see your way is the correct way. She does not agree. She has the freedom to feel whatever she wants. The more you try to verbally convince her you are correct, the more you are defeated.
You see the separation as not being an open MR. Apparently, she does not agree. You say you will endure. What does that mean? You say every morning you recommit to your M. You say you believe in your M, and that you stand for your M. That is your personal decision, however, you cannot force it upon her.
Getting the results you desire doesn't depend on how much you love your W. It doesn't depend on how strong you are committed to your vows or stand for your M. None of that was ever the issue in your W's decision to leave you. If being given another chance was left up to you...........then these would be of great importance. However, being given another chance is not up to you. It's up to the one who left. It is her decision, and you are not going to change her mind by telling her how you feel. Currently, it makes no difference to her how much you value the M. The more you try to try to talk her into changing her viewpoint, the more she resents you.
You don't want to file for D? Fine, then don't file. However, stop sharing YOUR feelings and YOUR viewpoints about the M with your estranged W. It only adds coal to her fire of resentment.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
