Finding the man I want to be, alone. Pack_19 part3

[Pack_19]

hi all,

Hope things are going well! Today is W's birthday and I am forcing myself to go through this day as if I did not know.

I have been thinking a lot at my mistakes in this S and what I want to do next. As of today, I only have something clear in my head. My M is worth fighting for and I still have many issues to work on.

We exchanged the kids yesterday, she took the opportunity before leaving to say a couple of things referring to my most unfortunate message. Her words were: "I dont think we can ever save this M and I do not care what you say or think about me. You can believe whatever you want about me. I still want a D, I have been telling you I want a D for the past 13 months. I will have to ask you for a D or otherwise you will never change."

I told her that was a very unfortunate message, I was not proud of it and I thought there was value in our family and that she was the best thing that ever has happened to me. I took the kids and went to my parent's to have dinner.

She was looking amazing yesterday, I dont know where she was off to, I dont care, but she was very attractive in her new clothes. I have the kids this week, the little one is in nursery already and the older is sleeping as I write here. I am feeling very discouraged lately because with a cold mind I see it has been 13 months and I have never received a sign of doubt or positive reinforcement from W. She is indeed done with me and all I think is that the problems we had are easily solvable. I know now I still have strength to endure and fight for my M, only doing this means nothing about W. I have many problems still, thank you all for helping me see this and refocus myself on calming down and becoming the man I want to be, even when W keeps talking about me not changing and D being in our future.

I will keep posting my feelings here. Do you guys think it would be ok to offer W to spend some time with the kids today given it is her bday?