[LiM]

Got it. Definitely understand how it can seem that way.
As part of the back story, one of the things that my W always wanted was a Godly husband. And that I was NOT. Although I grew up in the church, I never had a real relationship with God. Even went through a 10+ year period where I even considered myself an atheist. That changed after the A and I'm now very involved with my church and have a real relationship with God. My W even continued to push me to work with the people in our church after the A and I did. I'm glad I did. That was good for me and our family.

So now, the first place I go when there is problem is to God and our church. That apparently doesn't work so well for her. I'm not trying to control her and I don't want to control her. I have even told her that I consider our relationship to be under the supervision of our church and I will not do anything without first discussing it with our pastors. And that's what I've done. I work very hard to be accountable for my faults in the R. She does not. She did not talk to anyone in our church before she made the decision to talk to OM on the phone. She did not talk to anyone in our church before she decided to go see him while he was working at Walmart one night. I wish she had because she would have received wise counsel. She is given complete freedom to make whatever choices she want. But when I learn that she is making choices that go against what we (she supposedly) believes, then I will take it to the one place I know I will get.