[LiM]

5 years ago, my W had a 5 month long PA. I ended up filing for D after I learned the A was still going on while we were S even though I had been told it had ended. The D filing actually ended the A and we began reconciling. She was back home a month later. Things were fine at first; we were doing the things that needed to be done to heal but then something in her changed. I can't put my finger exactly on what was off but something was not right and over the past 4 - 5 years, we have failed to truly heal.

Fast forward to Feb of this year, she announced that she was leaving again and filing for D. Of course, everything was my fault. I went to our church for help and they got her to take D off the table and we were supposed to start working on the M even though we were S. At the end of April, I discovered that she had a 90 min long phone call with the former AP. I notified the church. They called her in to talk and then she filed for D. A week later, I saw an email she sent him with “True Love” as the subject line. Now, she has NOT been involved in a PA with this guy over the past 4 - 5 years because I also found out from his former W that he had ANOTHER 18 mo long A with another women after my W! And my W knows that! So OM was kicked out of his house in March (when the second A was discovered by his W) and is now divorced from his W as of June.

Since filing for D in May, my W has not done anything to move the divorce forward. Absolutely nothing has happened. I see/talk to her maybe once a month. Otherwise, I am completely dark. I’m not breaking any of Sandi’s rules. I’ve made it very clear to her that I do not want a divorce and that she will need to move it forward if that's what she wants.

Yesterday, the younger of my 2 daughters (17) told me that she had a panic attack at school, was very stressed and called a suicide hotline because she needed someone to talk to. Both of my daughters live with me and not their Mom. So I sat down to talk with her about what was really going on and I learned that she actually knew about the A and learned about it before I did 5 years ago. She saw a message from OM on my W’s phone and that's how she learned about it at 11 years old. And she never told anyone. She just kept it bottled up this whole time. Fast forward to yesterday and I learn that the reason for the panic attack was that she saw an email between OM and my W that was sent this week. My D is borrowing my W’s laptop and that's how she saw the email. The email was basically innocent in nature but my daughter knew that there is no reason her mom should be communicating with this guy.

So this guy has had two A’s, he has lost his business (trainer for triathletes; all his clients left after learning of the 2nd A), was living on a vacant lot in someones trailer and was stocking shelves at Walmart at night. A TOTAL F’ing loser. Any yet my W is still talking to him (I don't know if its more) and putting him on a pedestal (the email I read would make you gag). Its very clear to me that she never got over him and properly dealt with the A on her end and THAT is why we never were able to move on from the A.

I know I can't fix her. I know I can only work on me. I know she’s got to be willing to do the work. But 5 years later and she thinks she’s still in love with this D Bag.

Anyone else deal with Limerence that's gone on this long? I don't want a divorce. I want our family to be whole. I want my W to get her head out of her A$$ and start doing what is right. But I don't know if she’s ever going to do that and I don't know how much longer I can put up with this $hit.
I love my W. I do not want a D. But I can't keep putting up with this $hit.