I asked him to do MC or IC. no way.. I have started IC for me. I find it not really helpful. we need MC. As much as he hates the thought. In the past, many years ago, he was called a bully by the the counselor , and he is hesitant to continue any counseling
IC takes a little bit to get started but it works... if you work it. How do you feel about him saying no to counseling?
Originally Posted by BB205
He is a bully to our kids and me
This is scary. What boundaries to you have in place to stop this?
Originally Posted by BB205
The crazy thing is, he has always been so perfect, the perfect son, the perfect husband and has done the job perfectly ... but he is a cheater and a liar so I hate him. this is not what I signed up for 40 years ago. Happy Anniversary to me. I hate him.
No one is perfect. Especially one who bullies his wife and children.
You said you didn't know what actions to take. Ask yourself this. What does a happy marriage look like to you? Do you want to feel safe in your marriage? Well what does that look like?
Or maybe you want to have trust in your marriage? What would that look like?
These are great questions to explore with your IC btw. Perhaps this IC may not be a good fit for you (I don't know) but I can certainly say that IC can help you start thinking about what YOU need in order for this marriage to work for YOU.
Once you determine that - you can ask H to help. He can say yes, no, or maybe negotiate an alternative but know that whatever he decides is info for you on what he is willing to do to reconcile...
Wearing a ring does NOT equal real change. Being kinder... is something he should do in the first place. I'm not saying to not put value to these things... but do not give them more value than they deserve.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
