Vu I am really impressed with your statements below and will comment further.
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
I agree with everything said here. ATL...I do see you setting yourself up for disappointment and reading too much into her change of mood.
This happens all the time and sets the LBS up for major disappointment. Anything other then I have changed my mind and want to work on the major doesn't mean anything and is only mindreading.
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
DBing ultimately is about saving yourself, not your marriage. Sometimes the marriage does get saved as a by product of that. But, given my observations over the last two years of being on this forum...the vast majority do not. That’s just the reality. By the time our spouses get to the point of saying they are done, most have been contemplating ending it for way longer than we think and feel like once they have taken that step of telling us, there is no going back.
This is the truth 95% of the time.
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
If your W ever wants you back, she will let you know. But...she will only ever want you back if she sees that you are living your best life and have [truly] moved on.
So true and you need to fake it until you make it.
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
There is nothing attractive about a person who tries to hang on to you when you have clearly told them you want out. But the person who says “okay” and then gets out there and lives their life like they hardly even miss you. EXTREMELY attractive. It’s just human nature my friend.
Spot on!
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
After awhile, I felt more like his mom than his partner and I lost respect for him... big time. Once the respect was gone, that was it. I was done. I broke up with him and never looked back. Not saying that is what your W will do but you do need to know that once a woman loses respect for you, it is really hard for her to find you attractive again.
Coming straight out of a woman's mouth.
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
You would have to to a complete 180 in your behaviour and attitude and she would need to see it consistently over time. Probably not what you want to hear but I would be doing your a disservice, I think, it I didn’t tell you that. You need to get busy.
This is where I struggle sometimes. I do not like to blow sunshine up people's arses but sometimes I feel if I give them the truth they will not put in the work and give up.
