Should I ignore what happened and continue my GAL and building an amazing life as the man I want to be?
Think about the words you've said here ^^^^^^^^^.
What are your options? Should you crawl into a shell and die emotionally, b/c your W pretended that everything was your fault......while she pursued another guy?
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I have tried to face W today via telephone. I wanted to give her an ultimatum and say if I do not hear in two weeks about our M and her stand, I will start the D process and before I could finish she answered "I am not getting back with you" and she hanged up. I tried to call a couple of times without an answer and finally I sent her a message telling her I will not have an open M and I will file if I do not hear from her.
Well, you've backed yourself into a corner. You've told her what you will do. Don't expect her to bend to your wishes. I think you will hear from her, if you go silent. I think she will follow her old behavior pattern and verbally chew you up and spit you out of her mouth.......again. I don't think your threat will have any positive results. The question you have now, is what do you do after giving her an ultimatum. It is your decision if you follow through with the ultimatum or not. I want you to think very carefully about the results if you follow through, and the results if you don't.
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I dont want my children to know I filed but I feel this is too much.
Why, b/c you are afraid they will see you as the bad guy? As long as you are honest with them, and you are involved in their lives as a loving father......I don't believe they are going to resent you for being the one who filed for D. You have been the parent who did everything you could to restore the marriage/family. That's the important part, when you discuss it with your children. Divorce wasn't what you preferred, but there came a time you felt you had to stand on your principles. (Many people file for D based on their principles.) I'm not saying the children will never wish their parents had not remained together. I'm saying they will not see you as being a bad guy for filing for a D.
You mentioned how your friends say that your W is free to see other men while separated from you. That is a common belief and practice among many people. They see a separation as being single. I'm not saying it is right or wrong, b/c my principles may not be the same as yours. Your W's viewpoint may not agree with your viewpoint about how she conducts herself while separated. If so, then I don't think your ultimatum is going to prevent her from staying separated or from seeing another man. If that's true, then what do you do? You cannot control her. You only control Paco.
I agree with LH, that you need to calm down your emotions and stop reacting to her actions. People don't make great decisions when they are reacting on their emotions.
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I tell my W I will file for D in 15 days and obviously she is not going to say anything in that time.
Now listen, Paco, you wait out those 15 days, and don't reach out to her. Don't contact her. I think your emotions will want you to contact her to apply more pressure.......but don't do it. Don't try to have another discussion. Come here to write about your feelings, but don't contact her. Just work on calming down, so that you can think better, okay? I think she will test you, by giving you a phone call. Be prepared, b/c it's only a test. It will not be her ready to say she wants to save the marriage. If she wants to tell you something, she can send you an email. She doesn't like emails, b/c it doesn't give her the satisfaction of verbally giving you a beating.
Does she have the children during this time?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
