My situation is somewhat different, but its been a year since S also. Its taken me a year to start really accepting where I am at and not feeling sorry for myself and the kids. And not being angry or resentful at my W. It flares up on occasion and almost always sets me back. I also have a firm stance on no infidelity, which we both seem to agree on thus far. I would rather move on than deal with that.
I want to be with W and our family, but you cannot force that nor do you want to. I could also be happy coparenting fully if I had to.
Don't stay in it for the kids. You need to figure out who your W is, how you got here and if you want her long term.
Granted my W has not given up and not treating me like crap, but you need to remove yourself from her equation. Get to a point where you are OK and excited about a future without her if need be. Its taken me a year, but I am getting there. I want R, but I also know I will be fine either way.
You have a lot going for you. You are young and haven't been married a long time. The best thing you can do to get her attention is kick ass and ignore her behavior.
If you have an issue with something she did, you need to ask her about it. Not give an ultimatum. If it is confirmed, convey that you will not be in an open marriage. That is it. Figure out what you want to do. Keep the M for now if its not hurting you financially, but think about Pack and a future without her.
