Thank you Pommy, Rachel and May (and DV, hijack all you want, girl, always!)
I was re-reading old texts the other day and one at the beginning of the summer where my MIL thanked me for the magical summer we had last year and how sad she was that we weren't able to recreate it this year (Covid). Did she say those things about me that H relayed? Probably. But is it the whole truth? Probably not. Moving on, it's all just noise.
Originally Posted by may22
You also know in your bones that what he's saying is BS-- the brokenness inside him is driving him to say terrible things in order to convince himself he's doing the right thing. The fact that he's continuing to be so unhappy and poisonous just shows what a bad place he's in.
I know this deep down, but it makes me concerned for his mental well-being. Especially as he has my children for part of the time. Nothing I can do at this point, but move along and keep one eye always open for the well-being of my children.
Originally Posted by may22
My guess... though I know we're not supposed to be mindreading and above it all... is that by refusing to be his BFF and celebrate your BD with him, etc., he's seeing his fantasy D situation start to disintegrate. Of course that is awful for him, and it is all your fault, since if you would only have gone along with what he wanted and been a happy and supportive ex-W who is so glad to be BFFs with her ex and so glad he's found true love, he would have everything he wanted. Now he doesn't get that anymore and of course is blaming you.
I'm going to guess you'll be the recipient of more bile for awhile if you don't go NC. He has no-one else to lash out at but you, unless he's going to start looking at himself. That can't happen if you're still around to feed his narrative that you're the reason for all his problems. So I say stick with the NC as much as possible and just do your very best not to get drawn into his cr@p.
This. SO true. My intuition has been yelling at my to get the F out of the way. That if I want to truly protect and potentially save him, he needs the space to figure out vis-a-vis his own undoing. And his own (fingers-crossed) remaking.
The spewing and vileness has continued. My therapist shared that mentally ill people need strong boundaries, which I have recently implemented with tentative positive results. Not in a marriage-saving way, but in a me-saving way. The further along in this process I get, the more detached I get. In fact, at this very moment, I really want nothing to do with him, I want OUT of this destructive relationship and his human horror show.
His EAP sent presents to my kids. I want to vomit. It's one thing to gaslight me, but don't you dare gaslight my children into sending a thank you cards to the very person that has destroyed their life as they know it. I need advice as to what I should do...
