Wow...ATL. Your self assessment is pretty harsh... like you are really beating yourself up. Insight is great but only if you use it to make some changes. So how do you DB with this understanding? First of all, sound like you could use some outside guidance in the form of an IC. That attitude comes from somewhere and you need to figure that out. LIkely it is fear... fear of failure, fear of not being good enough, fear of rejection...there are lots of possibilities. Second of all, you train yourself to recognize when those fears come up and you stop them dead in their tracks with more realistic positive self-talk and opposite actions. It’s that simple...and it’s that difficult. It takes a lot of self awareness and commitment. You need to make these changes for you. Whether your W notices or not is besides the point. If you are consistent, she eventually will BUT your motivation should not be about impressing her...it should be about impressing yourself.
