I'm just posting to get this out as I have little recourse until I speak with my lawyer. I don't have court orders, only a verbal agreement. More fool me.
X had scheduled visitation today (Sunday) from 8am-5pm. At 4:45pm, I get an email saying that his brand new car is broken down 1 1/2 hours away and that he is keeping S2 overnight with him because "he has no other options".
Red flags immediately went up. If he intended to make the dropoff time, he would have left wherever he was two hours ago, and been broken down much closer to home. If he knew he wasn't going to make the dropoff time, he would have let me know hours ago when it became apparent.
I immediately responded in writing to say please let me know the location and I will pick up S2 so he's not stranded. I added that S2 was not prepared for a sleepover so he needed to be brought home tonight. I called X twice without response. I texted him to please call me back to arrange pickup and pointed out that I had not sent any supplies for an overnight sleepover.
S2 has never spent an overnight with his father and has only had three sleepovers away from home in his life. His visitation time is minimal, a couple hours a week and every second Sunday.
I freaked out for a bit until X emailed to say he had arranged accommodation "somewhere" and had all the things S2 needed. I responded that I needed to know where S2 was staying for the night and when he would be returned.
Another red flag - why would he have overnight supplies if he intended to return him at 5pm as scheduled?
X responded saying he was "staying near X town" and that S2 would either be returned first thing tomorrow (Monday) or dropped at daycare - no firm commitment despite me having to work tomorrow. So that leaves me with my hands tied, not knowing where S2 is, not having seen or spoken to him, not knowing what overnight care he's receiving, not knowing when or where he'll be returned.
I believe X did this because I refused to grant him an adhoc overnight visit this weekend. I'm not unreasonable at all - I always accommodate his cancellations and switches. But recently my lawyer advised me not to agree to any adhoc changes after X arranged then cancelled that sleepover at the last minute. The instability is not good for S2.
I know in my bones that he planned this weekend all along and made up this excuse to keep him overnight. I told him no and he didn't like that answer, so he did it anyway. Abusive men use children as pawns to hurt their mothers. I don't believe S2 is in real danger, but the thought of him being confused or scared in some random motel with a man he is not overly bonded with (and who knows who else is staying there, for that matter?) makes me feel sick.
Legally I can withhold S2 until a court order is filed to ensure that future breaches have consequences. It's fathers day this weekend and I've already agreed to switch my weekend and extend his time to include overnight. I struggle with feeling like a bad person for rescinding this offer, but I do not trust X to follow the agreement any more.
