One issue I've found that has been a real stumbling block in our relationship has been a serious sense of entitlement that I have developed.
I set lofty goals which I feel I'm entitled to, or deserve to have, but will get quickly turned off by the work. I then feel depressed for "giving up" and even more uninterested in my goal, which leads to more depression; a negative feedback loop from Hell.
This comes up in relationships, careers, and even hobbies. I constantly compare my short comings to others success. I have an unhealthy expectation for praise and acceptance. I live in the past, and allow mistakes and failures to haunt me, so I over compensate. All of this leads to an unhealthy and inflated sense of self worth, a feeling of being actually superior to others who slight me. I have a skewed view of others value and worth. In the end I won't follow the rules, make short cuts, slack off, and make excuses. I'll spend money I don't have to get toys that others have whom I feel I'm superior to.
For my W, I have developed an untrusting pattern of unfulfilled promises. My approach to living is fundamentally incompatible with hers that sets a goal, and seeks it out.
She's not wrong. How do I DB with this understanding?
"I will not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. I will face my fear. I will let it pass over me. When the fear has gone, there shall be nothing. Only I will remain."
