So today has been an emotional roller coaster. I don’t want my family torn apart, but that’s what she wants. I don’t want to see my son just half the time, but she’s somehow made peace with that too.
I want to see all of what he does and the places he goes. Not just half of them. I can’t get past that. I wanted to retire and grow old with her. Plant gardens, go on RV trips. It’s all fading away.
We still get along very well in the same house, it’s still happy. Our son is happy. But she’s not going to change her mind (her words). She’s not mean or vindictive, neither am I. She couldn’t even tell me she wanted to separate, I had to say it for her. Is she doing this not out of genuine desire, but some sort of other conflict or coercion?
This isn’t right. I can show her a better me. She wants to be 100% done, but she knows she isn’t. I know for 100% sure I am not.
I have to take the emotion out of it. This crippling depression and anxiety can control my destiny.
"I will not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. I will face my fear. I will let it pass over me. When the fear has gone, there shall be nothing. Only I will remain."
