Well, this is how it went down. It was a pleasant conversation.
I asked her about the CT session, and what did she expect to get out of it. Apparently W got the impression from her solo CT session that I didn't get what W meant; "that W was not interested in fixing the marriage," and W said she wanted to use that session to make sure I knew. So, it was confirmation of the BD, not R. The CT mentioned a hypothetical or something about me being a better husband, etc, and would that change her mind. So W wanted a joint session to make sure I knew
Some caveats...
I told her point blank. I wanted her happy, and that's it, but that what I'm doing, I'm doing for me, "not to get her back." It was a very good conversation, there was no arguing, or anything. We laughed more than anything else. It was very understanding.
At one point she asked again, if I knew how she felt, and I said, "yeah, you don't want to fix the marriage." To which she asked me, "so you know what that means?" I said, "yes," and she said, "well," and I said, that you want to separate, and she nodded. If someone needs to be the adult and be the first to use real words, I guess that's what I'll do; no biggie.
We also agreed to be the best co-parents we could be, which made me feel better; worst case scenario wise.
She said her reasoning was that she was convinced that we both have different "priorities" or "life goals" or "ways of dealing with things" that are too incompatible. I will say, before my medical conditions were properly fixed, yeah, she was right, but that wasn't always the case. I'd manage my money and time poorly. I lost more jobs than I want to admit. Depression and sleep apnea took their toll until I got both under control. So if there's any chance at DBing I have to tear down this wall that insists that we are so different. Job, money, life goals. I did mention that those things are not compatible with my goals either, and that's what I'm working towards, but she quickly made sure I knew she was done with the relationship no matter what I do now. I didn't argue. Just validated her concerns.
She said she wanted to keep the joint CT session to get some direction on where to go now. I don't know if I want to do that session or not.
Anyways, that's where I'm at now. Any advice for what I should do?
Thanks again!
"I will not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. I will face my fear. I will let it pass over me. When the fear has gone, there shall be nothing. Only I will remain."
