Thank you for adding a signature and opening up about your sitch as I know this isn't easy for you.

Originally Posted by Pommy99
I keep asking you PM99. What are you afraid of and you won't answer me.
I want the pain to end. I want to know if he's in or out. I'm afraid of more and more pain. I'm afraid of going through the S all over again. [/quote]
The thing is PM99 the pain will subside in time one way or another. If you stay in limbo the pain will continue because you will constantly wonder when the axe will fall again. If you D him you will have the pain of D and splitting time with kids, finances etc. There is no easy way out. That is why the best thing to do is to give him time and space and work on yourself so you are comfortable with either outcome. Your situation is quite like mine. I loosely reconned after a initial separation. What I always say is I wish I wouldn't have spent one minute trying to figure out what was going on in her mind and 100% focused on myself. Ultimately when she filed I felt at peace knowing I tried everything to save my family.

Originally Posted by Pommy99
Why am I trying to push too fast - he's back, he's doing MC, he says he wants to try.... What more could I ask for right now?

Because you think if he hurries up and announces his undying commitment to you that the pain will stop. Unfortunately it will not because you won't have any assurance it won't happen again.

Originally Posted by Pommy99
And he's describing wanting feelings that I'm not sure you even get after 20 years together. But then again, I dont know what's 'normal', or what other people experience in a long-term marriage.

This is what I call emotional immaturity. My ex has/had it. She told me she wants to feel butterflies in her stomach again. Not surprising her favorite show was the Bachelorette. Relationships later on in life are at a different level and are more about familiarity, history and stability. Its funny that all the married women I know want the butterflies and passion and all the singe women I know want the familiarity, history and stability. Can you say Grass is Greener?

I guess the moral of the story is the pain is not going to go away over night and embrace and use it to make changes and become the person you want to be. If he likes that person great! If he doesn't and thinks there is something better that's ok too. PM99 wins either way.

Last edited by LH19; 08/27/20 06:24 PM.