Contacting my atty after 6weeks... being in contact with H yesterday. Starting with some frustration and kick back on his end... to wait he calls and apologizes to wanting to be helpful with my car issue.
The earlier frustration and just accepting that at the last hour he has decided not to cooperate and just forwarding all the stuff to the atty... to the surprise apology for his earlier behavior to showing concern about my car issue when I was not asking for his assistance.
Kicking myself today... totally thinking that if the concern about my car had been genuine he would have sent a follow up asking if it was the battery. Yup, I get it this is me having expectations.
Just like him reaching out to me was some sort of "fix" and relief that perhaps the old H is in there somewhere.... to the reality of "nope, just kidding" withdraw today. I recognize it for what it is.
I've been in touch with my atty more today. If he does turn around and wants to cooperate - fine. If not I've got everything I need to move forward without his cooperation.
Kicking myself today... totally thinking that if the concern about my car had been genuine he would have sent a follow up asking if it was the battery. Yup, I get it this is me having expectations.
KK I was divorced for a year and had to go to away on a business trip. The day I was coming home I woke up to a text from my Exw saying "I hope you have a safe flight home". The truth is I really believe she wanted me to have a safe flight home. After all I am the father of her children and we spent a quarter of a century together.
The point is you don't want hate and it sounds like there is no hate. Take it as a win because trust me some days there will be hate.
No more hamster wheeling over comments of concern.
Contacting my atty after 6weeks... being in contact with H yesterday. Starting with some frustration and kick back on his end... to wait he calls and apologizes to wanting to be helpful with my car issue.
The earlier frustration and just accepting that at the last hour he has decided not to cooperate and just forwarding all the stuff to the atty... to the surprise apology for his earlier behavior to showing concern about my car issue when I was not asking for his assistance.
Kicking myself today... totally thinking that if the concern about my car had been genuine he would have sent a follow up asking if it was the battery. Yup, I get it this is me having expectations.
Just like him reaching out to me was some sort of "fix" and relief that perhaps the old H is in there somewhere.... to the reality of "nope, just kidding" withdraw today. I recognize it for what it is.
I've been in touch with my atty more today. If he does turn around and wants to cooperate - fine. If not I've got everything I need to move forward without his cooperation.
This is why you should not be giving details. Instead of: "I am having car trouble, I am at the shop. I need to go." Just: "I have to go! Bye."
You give details, he reacts to the details (likely deep down even if subconsciously you knew he would), and then you are stuck for 30 more seconds.
Mystery is your friend. Be mysterious. Play coy. "I have to go, I am busy...." "Why what are you doing?" "I don't have time for this right now, bye." Then hang-up. He'll start wondering. He'll start to worry that you are moving on. His mind will start to race....."Last time I saw her she looked amazing, I bet she met someone else!"
Even WAHs that have moved on with OW do not like the idea of their EX meeting someone new.
I know you are a detail-oriented person. I can tell that from your posting. But you do not owe this man details.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Also, this is another reason to go dark because you can't handle pleasant exchanges. It sends you spinning.
I guess I should clarify - I'm not hamster wheeling...
I'm recognizing where I'm at today - at withdraw.
Its completely on me for sure. Its like part of me is grateful he realized he needed to apologize but another part of me wished he just didn't... nice behavior leads to have expectations. My brain knows I should not have any and anything he does doesn't change anything but this glass half full girl struggles with that reality.
It was big thing for him to realize he was being an arse and apologizing.
I really wanted to open up too and say "thank you when you did X, I should have said something then but never did and I regretted it"... and I wanted to say "sorry, I just didn't drop it when you asked and I caused you to emotionally flood... I've learned now the importance of letting things go for awhile."
Instead I just listed to his apology with "I hear you", "I understand", "I do know that".
It wasn't my time to step in right???
Not supposed to initiate R talks so I felt the timing was not there. And, I'm also dealing with as long as there is OW I am not to show any vulnerability with him.
Either way - recognizing for what it is and processing it to put it away.
I guess I just don't know what to say to you anymore. You are not to initiate relationship talks BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM! He's in a relationship with another woman. You are legally married. That's it!
You keep withdrawing because you keep stepping forwArd. Putting your hand on the flame, and with that comes a withdrawal process. Why do you like torturing yourself so much? And don’t rationalize that you aren’t . Because you are
You know what the definition of insanity is, right ?
I typed what was going on in my head... what I wish I could say but that I cannot initiate R talks. I know that I can't... doesn't mean the idea doesn't float in my brain.
But he was the only one talking... He was the one stating he owed me an apology and I just let him talk. I didn't try to fix anything, offer suggestions... just said "I hear you", "I understand" so that he knew I was listening.
The only thing I did today was continue to touch base with my atty a couple of times to clarify some documentation needed.
Look if you want to play the "I hear what your saying" game with him that is your prerogative. I think Sandy sides where I am at and you don't validate WWs in open affairs because its a display of low value.
I don't validate my exw I treat her like a business partner. Yes, no, ok. I would rather play with rats then tell her " I hear you" when she said something to me but you are not there yet. You'll get there at some point.
