Also, this is another reason to go dark because you can't handle pleasant exchanges. It sends you spinning.
I guess I should clarify - I'm not hamster wheeling...
I'm recognizing where I'm at today - at withdraw.
Its completely on me for sure. Its like part of me is grateful he realized he needed to apologize but another part of me wished he just didn't... nice behavior leads to have expectations. My brain knows I should not have any and anything he does doesn't change anything but this glass half full girl struggles with that reality.
It was big thing for him to realize he was being an arse and apologizing.
I really wanted to open up too and say "thank you when you did X, I should have said something then but never did and I regretted it"... and I wanted to say "sorry, I just didn't drop it when you asked and I caused you to emotionally flood... I've learned now the importance of letting things go for awhile."
Instead I just listed to his apology with "I hear you", "I understand", "I do know that".
It wasn't my time to step in right???
Not supposed to initiate R talks so I felt the timing was not there. And, I'm also dealing with as long as there is OW I am not to show any vulnerability with him.
Either way - recognizing for what it is and processing it to put it away.
