Separated 11 wks, WAH wants to reconcile (part 4)

[Pommy99]

Do he think he wants you to be the one to pull cord? So he looks like he is the one who gave it all and tried?

Like LH said, you are over analyzing because you are very fearful of losing him. To have this work in the long run, you need know your own value and worth. If he does choose to walk again, know that is not the worst thing in the world, because you are worthy of a faithful committed partner who loves and values you. And you would not want to be with someone who doesn’t .

Thank you Ginger. I do not even know if he wants either of us to pull the cord. He tells me today that I am acting like it is over and that's not the case. He wants us to have a nice long weekend together. I don't know how much of a factor his depression is and if that is related to us. He says he doesn't know what or why he feels so bad the last few weeks. He is in turmoil and feels overwhelmed with emotion - crying and teary every day- like the last 10 years of emotions are now coming out. This is probably a good thing. Work pressure isn't helping, working from home isn't helping, me being upset isn't helping. But none of those change the fundamental issue that we have been going round in circles over for the last 18 months.

I know he is asking for more time, but I don't know how much longer I can wait, because I do know that I want and deserve more and I told him this today. And he agreed and got upset that I deserve more than he is giving me. I don't actually think he is going to walk anytime soon so I don't really understand why I am in my own turmoil right now, and can't sit with this and shut up and see what pans out over the next few weeks of MC. It's so hard being his 'best friend' when I want so much more. And what he described he wanted to feel at MC yesterday really hurts - I would love to be on the receiving end of those feelings, and that passion that he wants to feel and give.

the only way he's going to overcome that deeply held belief is for you to open the cage door and completely cut him free.

He did open the cage door, he left and he came back. I am his comfort and security, when I'm not there, he has a deep need for me (his words). I have told him he is free to leave. Perhaps you are right re the Covid thing - I don't know what would've happened with EAP had he not been unable to travel away every week. Sometimes I do feel that the kindest thing would be to let him go. But I just cant do that right now - it's not what I want.