Separated 11 wks, WAH wants to reconcile (part 4)

[LH19]

H admitted 2 days ago that he is feeling really depressed and unhappy.

This is how 90% of the WWs feel and think they need major changes to become happy.

It exacerbates my insecurities and makes me feel like he is about to walk again.

Ok PM99 what are you afraid of? Losing a depressed unhappy man who is constantly reminding you how he has no sexual feelings for you?

In turn, this makes H feel guilty that he is not giving me what I need or being the H he feels he should be. The guilt brings him down even further.

I am calling BS on this one. He can't blame you for that?

I need to learn more about what is pressure - some things are obvious (like saying "you never tell me you love me"), but what about when I tell him when I feel down.

It depends on why you are down. Is it because of him? If so then no because he shouldn't effect the way you feel.

Where is that line between being open and honest about how you feel, and honesty amounting to pressure? This is a difficult one for me, as H will sense when something is wrong and ask me, and sometimes I just want to sit with my feelings awhile rather than tell him straight away "hey I feel really insecure today".

What do you feel insecure about?

It's a lose-lose. If he senses something is wrong (and I don't tell him what is bothering me), he feels guilt that he's upsetting me; if I tell him what's wrong, he'll feel guilt that he's upsetting me. How do I handle this?

You keep you toes tapping not matter how he feels.

H got upset during the session again. I think he is really scared that he knows what he wants to feel but feels none of it with me, and he says it's killing him from the inside.

Something doesn't sound right to me. Again I truly believe MCs have a almost perfect success rate when both people want to save the marriage. I don't think he is being completely honest with you.