Separated 11 wks, WAH wants to reconcile (part 4)

[Pommy99]

This resonates so much with me. My H has said these EXACT same words, both in round one and now. (Honestly. It blows my mind how there is a playbook for all of this and it feels like they're getting their lines from it.) And, I have had the exact same reaction as you... it doesn't feel like enough. We have had many talks both in MC and out about this issue. I'll share some thoughts for you to leave or take:

-- first, it was such a weird experience to read what your H is saying and thinking yes! mine says the same thing! I think the same thing! And then to read LH's response to say "he is being open and honest with you"... that really took me aback and made me think. Just a reflection. I think LH is right. It is way better for him to say this to you than for him to think it but verbally say "I am in for good"... it is probably hard for him to say this because he knows what you want to hear and this isn't exactly it.

-- I think intentions are important and it is good that your H is being explicit that his intention is to make M2.0 work. I prefer to be optimistic about all this and feel that you can do whatever you really set your mind to, My feeling on this is, cross that bridge when you come to it. One step at a time. Your H is there. He is trying. He has cut it off with EAP. He is being open and honest with you about his feelings and his intentions and his fears. That is all really positive. Take it for what it is and try to focus on the now for yourself as well.

I am trying to sit in the here and now. I am trying to accept this as honesty, but a little bit of me wishes he hadn't come back - or perhaps I shouldn't have taken him back - when he appears to be faltering with his commitment. That said, I've read the 'Piecing' thread again today and am taking some comfort in the statements around the process that the WAS is going through in recommitting to the M. H has said again and again, S/D is a last resort, it terrifies him, but at the moment, his emotions are controlling him and not the other way round. Right now those deeply emotional feelings are still not there for him. But he wants to try. I guess I cannot ask for more than that.

-- re the rings... we decided to put our rings back on for this trip and TBH I am really, really glad we did. . It is a symbol of his intention to work on our M, even if it isn't a symbol right now of our undying love and commitment to each other. So maybe putting your rings back on doesn't need to be a big meaningful thing, right now, but could help you guys both remember that you're in this together? IDK, I know it is different because your H did actually leave. Just sharing from my perspective on this.

I think I am looking for something symbolic, like a statement from him that we are in M 2.0. It hasn't happened yet. I understand why. we moved him fully out of his rental at the weekend. Again, I was looking for something symbolic, like he'd lock the door for the last time, hand back the keys and there would be a moment where he'd hug me and say that it was just me and him now, back where we should be. I wanted to feel like that chapter had finished. There was no hug, we drove back home, he emptied the van and cleaned his car for 2 hours!!