At the direction of our CT have been meeting with our CT one on one, without my W. We have had three good solo sessions. Our CT decided that it was time to meet one on one with my W. They met for only one session last week. I had a session for tomorrow but the CT texted me that we would cancel it, as our next appointment needs to be joint session with my W. My W can’t make that sessions so she scheduled one for a different day; on Sept 4.
What does this all mean? They met one solo session, after I had met for three solo sessions. What did they discuss, and how did it just take one session?
I have basically convinced myself that this will be a session where my W confirms in more definitive language that she will want to separate/divorce. As I mentioned in my first post, our last joint session nearly 3 mos ago was her giving language that said, “I don’t think this marriage can be saved,” but nothing further. I think she and the CT have found a need that I should be told under no uncertain terms of her desire to separate, and they will further use the session so that the CT can guide us from there.
Since our last joint session I’ve done some 180s, and have followed the DB tips. The results have been a far more friendly and livable atmosphere. We laugh, tell jokes, play with our kid. But, I can’t get it out of my head that she simply doesn’t want to change her mind, and will proceed with a separation. In light of that I have tried to piece together a good DB reply to anything she says asking for a separation.
That said, my response based off how I feel right now would be words to this effect;
“I've been doing a lot of thinking, and while this is NOT what I would have wished upon anyone, I have come to the realization that I WILL BE OKAY no matter what happens. I still don't want to separate, but for now there are some things I want to work on, just for me. In short I want to strive everyday to be the best version of myself possible.”
How does this sound?
Sure, I could just be overly pessimistic. However, I have 4 appointments, 1 per week, booked with the CT through the month of September for either solo or couple use. I texted the CT, “should we keep those September appointments booked,” and the CT said “only if W can do one of those times with you.”
This makes me feel like only one appointment is needed, and it will be a definitive BD, and no further appointments really need be scheduled. Or it could be that we simply need a joint meeting first, so she can R, but I can’t imagine it being needed unless it’s a major BD, but I also could just be reading too deep into it.
Since it’s me in the storm it’s sometimes hard to see my way out of it.
"I will not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. I will face my fear. I will let it pass over me. When the fear has gone, there shall be nothing. Only I will remain."
