Fierce compassion, equanimity, integrity

[may22]

I think it is just a way of being that I'm not used to--I'd rather have friendly chit chat than silence. I've never had to be in close quarters with someone who was treating me this way. I've never really been treated the way H has treated me during spew, period. And I think I still confuse remaining compassionate with being overtly friendly. Would I be overly talkative to a cashier who had yelled at me? I would probably avoid their line next time. But I wouldn't go out of my way to be unkind to them. Am I on the right track here?

Hi Cardinal,

I don't think you have any obligation to be chit-chat friendly with your H. i know it feels weird and wrong and like you're the bad guy... but you aren't. I really truly don't think you are breaking a commitment to yourself to be a compassionate human being when you stay silent. Silence can be incredibly uncomfortable but it can also be peace-bringing and healing. And when you are putting your friendliness and kindness out to someone who cannot return it in kind, maybe it is actually kinder to simply say nothing. Don't put him into a situation where he feels like he maybe needs to say something in return and he simply isn't capable of doing that well right now. Does that make sense? By giving him silence instead of opening the door for interaction, you are preventing an opportunity for him to spew which is better not only for you but for him as well.

Turn that big heart in on yourself and nourish your own spirit right now. You need it and you deserve it. xx