Apologies are rarely for the person receiving . It’s usually so the person apologizing can feel better about themselves.
What do you want for the apology? Do you want him to accept it so you can feel better ? Or for him to accept it and hear it so he will consider things have changed and come back to the M? Or do you truly want to apologize so HE can feel better ?
Always look at your intentions behind what you do
I'm not asking for forgiveness.
And if you noticed I stated I wanted to apologize but that I was sitting with it for now. So, I'm clearly trying to make sure I'm doing it for the right reasons.
The apology is basically a statement that he was right and I was wrong.
What do I have to gain from that?? Truly nothing. He certainly could use to to justify his choices to everyone by stating that even I told him he was right and I was wrong. I would have no control over what or how he handled it --- that doesn't bother me... maybe it just inflates his ego more?
I want to say its the right thing to do --- but I know I need to sit with it longer.
When I was a teenager I did something that hurt my friends feelings. I was being selfish in the moment and doing something for myself and bailed on her. I was a teenager.... ANYWAY, she let me know it hurt her. And, I knew I was responsible and I felt terrible. I knew that just saying I'm sorry was not enough. She had every right not to talk to me. I accepted her choice to avoid and not speak to me. I was pretty bummed for 2-3 weeks knowing it was my fault. When I felt she might be more receptive to at least hearing my apology 3 weeks later, I gave it. Wanted to let her know I was really sorry, understood how she felt and she had every right to continue to feel that way and I had had a lot of time to realize I had not considered her feelings - I accepted her decision to continue to remain distant if she choose. She decided to forgive me but made sure I knew how I had hurt her... she is still my bff to this day. I realized that teenage girls do these things and 3 weeks to a teen is an eternity... LOL.
So I realize that part of an apology is actually taking the time to really think about your actions, the effect of those actions on someone else and making changes to make sure you don't keep making the same mistakes.
