I don't want a divorce II NEW THREAD Pt 21

[LH19]

KK I understand what you are saying about Steve's hypocrisy and judgement but he really is trying to help you. It can be frustrating because you have some really good posters giving you advice and you seem to ignore. It's like you know better then Steve, AS, Ginger, Job and myself who have seen 1,000s of these play out.

For some reason you think your STBXH has no right to lie to you. You still have expectations of him. I have one expectation of my EXW. Be a good mom. (sometimes that's a stretch) Anything else leads to disappointment.

But, like you I can see the ways in which I could see why my H felt neglected and rejected. I didn't realize my actions made him feel that way and how empty he was feeling. He didn't realize how much at the time I was stuck in my own head/issues. Did I force him into OW's arms? Literally of course not. Do I see the role that I played - absolutely yes, I do. Knowing that my H's love language is physical touch did I drop the ball - yup I did. No amount of housecleaning, food prepping, getting laundry done while working a full time job myself which to me said this is how much I love you was getting the job done --- it wasn't his love language.

This is good stuff KK. Acknowledging you break down of the marriage and working on fixing it. I just wish you would consider IC. To me that's what DB is all about. Making sure it doesn't happen again in future relationships.

I wore my ring because I stood for my M. For better or for worse ---- I never took that lightly. Maybe one day he will be my XH - I don't know. I don't predict the future.

That certainly is your right.

But, I have created more boundaries based on his behavior on Sunday. This calling and acting like he is a friend and sharing this story and that story... all while I know he is lying. That I opted to text about said lies and even then he is texting me completely not getting it, but I want no friendship with a liar.

You don't want to be friends with him period.

This has been a process. I accept and acknowledge that I am not only dealing with the implosion of my M but also a big life transition as S19 leaves the home.

It is a lot to handle and I am sorry this is hitting you at once.

I'm flooded with some painful memories from the past - why did I handle that way? Could have I handled it differently? Why would I have done or said that? Was I part of the problem with my H and his kids? Did I help or make things worse? Did I hold my stepkids to the same expectations as my son? Was that the right thing to do? Was I accommodating enough for them? Sure, there is not a parent out there that doesn't question or in hindsight would have made other choices.

It's ok to visit but please do not live in the past. What happened happened and it couldn't happen any other way because it didn't.

I'm working through all of that. I'm making progress and peace.

Great!

Right now I accept that my H wants nothing to do with me and I'm doing my best to walk away.

It's a process.