I don't want a divorce II NEW THREAD Pt 21

[SteveLW]

I usually suggest that LBSs keep wearing their ring until they are D'd. KC, I think you are the exception. I think that in your mind he is still your HUSBAND, and that you are still his WIFE. But for him it hasn't been that way for going on 9 months. He has moved on from you and you are stuck waiting there for him.

You realize that's an oxymoron right??? Encouraging people to wear a ring until they are divorced means that yes you ARE still a W and have an H... that's the commitment the ring symbolizes.

Wearing a ring when you don't have an H --- what are you wearing it for??? That's delusional.

You wear the ring because legally you are H and W. In the eyes of the law he is my H. A pretty crappy one at the moment but wearing a ring or not ---- yes Steve85 he is my H. Until he follows through with the D.

Most LBSs can compartmentalize in their minds the separation between legally married, and really married. I question if you do. Most LBSs can see the ring on their finger and realize that the reason they should still wear it is because while they've given up getting their spouse back, they are still standing for their marriage (again, separating in their mind that their marriage is actually over), and that they do not unwanted attention from members of the opposite sex (this further complicates their situation).

The problem in your case is I think you see and feel the ring and it keeps you stuck in the "I don't want a divorce at all costs, I just have to wait for him to see that I have changed" mentality. That causes you to do things that show him you are still on the hook.

I think there exceptions to most rules. And that is why I think you are an exception. I think removing your ring will help you start to move on mentally and stop waiting for him. Because when you say " yes Steve85 he is my H. Until he follows through with the D." I have not seen that you have to ability to separate that YES he is your husband legally, but that NO he hasn't been your husband in practice............IN MONTHS.

EDIT: I also think this is why you cannot bring yourself to type the words: he is a lying cheater. I think you believe deep down, that it is fixable....... If you can put all the blame on yourself (*I drove him into the OW's arms!") then it is something that can be fixed ("I have reversed the behaviors that drove him to this!"). But to admit that he is a lying cheater is to admit that he is fundamentally flawed and therefore the hope for reconciliation is almost NIL due to that.

But, apparently you have it all figured out. You are the one thinking clearly....and I am the delusional one. I can accept that.

Peace.