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[DnJ]

Hello Sage

...my prayer to the universe right now: if this hardship and heartbreak must happen to me, please open me up to all the lessons I have to learn and make me a better person as a result. Let something good come of all of this. Amen.

Well said.

Unfortunately, things have gotten so untenable in my communication with H, I feel I need to go as NC as I possibly can. A simple conversation about basic un-heated topics turns into accusations of me being aggressive, controlling or manipulative. I don't use the right words, or in the right order, or my tone is not right. I feel like I either need to record our conversations or have someone else present as I truly can't see what I am saying or doing wrong and it is making me feel like I am insane. Is it common for an MLCer to have so much guilt, resentment and anger that they literally cannot even converse with their LBS without it adding to their laundry list of what a terrible person the LBS are?

Yes, the projections upon us, the LBS, to paint us as a terrible person is pretty common. And as you are finding out, MLCer projections are rather irrational and not based in fact.

Going no contact is for you. It is for your healing. To stop hearing those hurtful accusations and the gaslighting of you. To allow you time to find your balance and regain your footing.

I know that H wants deep down to be friends and have an amicable split where we can spend time together as a family, but that is not possible for me when everything I say and do is construed and constructed to build his narrative of what a wicked person I am.

H is conflicted and confused.

How can someone want to be friends and spilt amicably; and still construct a narrative in which you are a wicked person. It’s confusing. Yet, this is the battle raging within his mind. He needs time and space.

I know how much of a hit that false narrative is against one’s self worth. Time and space, helps you too.

D