He was honest when he was unhappy and wanted out and took the steps to do so. He was somewhat honest with his time while he was gone though I tried and did the best job I could at giving him space and not calling/texting.
Its just I'm not asking what he is doing or who he is doing it with soooooo why does he call and try to tell me these stories??? Why the elaborate ruse of he was moving R&L's D into college when it was OW's D???
I didn't ask at all who he moved in the dorms.
The while on the phone on Sunday he goes on to state "oh I was in town yesterday but I couldn't get a hold of you" . I did not ask why he drove 1hr to my town yesterday. The town where he hated to to live because the commute every day broke him. It wasn't any of my business... but here he goes again "I was taking more stuff to R&L's D. Again, a lie but whatever I ignored.
Its the accumulation of lies that I reached my breaking point.
He had this problem when we were first dating. It was like the toddler who got stuck with his hand in the cookie jar and would still say he didn't take a cookie. It was like a knee jerk reaction to a direct question sometimes and I could tell he was not honest because he sucked at lying. It kind of came down to past trauma with his first ExW that he was always on the defensive and with his mother. I stopped dating him because of it - I value honesty.
He got his sh$t together... realized his triggers.... made ammends and I made him jump through some hoops to know this was a dealt issue. He knew he could trust me and I would not judge because I'd rather have the truth than a lie. AND, for 9 1/2yr he stopped lying. Again - he is a terrible liar and just like there are tells in poker he had some distinct ones too.
But, the flat out lying is back.
^^^ that is where all this anger and taking off my ring came from. I was not snooping. I did not go looking. I'm just thankful at the last minute I opted to mow the yard rather than going to the orchard.
It really doesn't matter. I don't seem to do a thing right when it comes to saving my M. That shipped has sailed too I suppose.
Lying cheaters lie. This is what I have been trying to get you to see for 6+ months.
I usually suggest that LBSs keep wearing their ring until they are D'd. KC, I think you are the exception. I think that in your mind he is still your HUSBAND, and that you are still his WIFE. But for him it hasn't been that way for going on 9 months. He has moved on from you and you are stuck waiting there for him.
I agree with the others. At this point your life should be completely unwound from his. Joint CCs should be cancelled, and you should open new ones in your name..If there are balances, you get him to agree to take his share of them. I thought you already split back accounts? Personally, I think you still think he will snap out of all of this. You've taken the fact that he hasn't taken care of the disclosure as a sign he isn't sure. I think you like to be able to see at some level what he is doing. But what you have to realize is that all of that is holding you back. It is causing you to not be able to move past him. At this stage in the game you should be much more detached than you are. The fact that him going to an orchard and having pizza with OW is sending you into a tailspin is on you, not him.
And you have to get used to the idea that your paths will cross. You said he is like an hour away. That is not far at all in today's world. My friend ended up having seats at a concert with his new wife (of several years) right next to his ex-wife and her new boyfriend years ago. The coincident of that happening is almost unbelievable....yet it did happen. He had to ask an usher, while his wife was at the restroom, to move their seats for him. Or their could be fisticuffs between the wife and ex. His ex lived 3+ hours away from him at that point. It is going to happen and you have to be at a place where you can walk away from such an encounter with your dignity.
The world is a small place, and running into someone that has the same haunts and preferred locations is bound to happen. What are you doing to make sure you are going to be able to handlle that?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
