I'm sorry but this guy is a dirtbag. He's manipulative and dishonest, and probably always has been, you just didn't know it while you were together.
You've defended his actions by saying he has had a long commute etc for work but he certainly doesn't have any issues commuting 3 hours for donuts? Seriously? I'm not buying any of it.
I would go full throttle on the divorce, have your lawyer put the wheels in motion and, put this dude in the rear view mirror. You'll meet someone 10x better.
