Because of my pending divorce combined with Covid situation worsening in my area, I’ve been feeling increasingly isolated and lonely. I do reach out to and safely visit with friends as much as I can. And now that I’m employed I’m exploring ways to start IC again.
There is a wildfire very close to where I live. Still distant enough to not be an immediate threat, but the threat of evacuation is looming. I’m working full time from home while also caring for D5, and tomorrow I will be adding remote Kindergarten to the mix, somehow. It’s a lot. Dealing with the threat of wildfire evacuation on my own has me feeling extremely lonely and depressed. It’s not that I can’t handle it alone; I have no doubt that I can. But having to deal with it alone is what pains me. It leaves me feeling alone and abandoned. Maybe that’s irrational, but it is how I feel, and it is painful.
Before this point I really do feel like I had taken a big step up in my detachment process. Yes, it is difficult and slow for me, but I have made progress. Recently it came to light that my STBXH is dating someone that lives 2 blocks from me. My daughter and I see his truck parked there every weekend. I find it really painful and triggering to see, despite my knowledge that he has a girlfriend. I know that just means I have farther to go than I thought with detachment. I sincerely wish that seeing that wouldn’t bother me. But it does. It just feels like a slap in the face.
I’m just struggling. I’m feeling very alone and in pain. Thanks for reading.
