I have been spending more time on the MLC board, but thought I would do a quick update here.
H wanted to come over for a visit on my actual birthday and I said no thank you. It was so hard to say that and so against my inclusive, forgiving nature. But the day before we had a discussion about the children and it turned into a gaslighting, spewing monster session and I just didn't want to deal with that. I am continuously shocked at his behavior towards me. I know I shouldn't be surprised by now, but I can't seem to let that old H go, the one that was adoring and loving and kind and affectionate. My heart expects him back at any moment, even though my brain tells me that he is long gone.
I went NC for the following few days and then we had yet another spewing session on our child exchange yesterday. This time he told me that his mother thinks I am controlling and a steamroller and some other nasty things. It made me cry, even though I didn't want to. Why does he have to build an army against me? I would never tell him if someone said something mean about him, ever. When I told him that, he turned it on me and said 'see how psychologically abusive you are? Great, now I get to live the rest of my life wondering who had said negative things about me.' The sad thing is, I don't let people talk negatively about him in my presence, he is the father of my children and was the love of my life.
This all makes me so sad, for my kids especially. All the lip service to doing this amicably, putting the kids first, etc etc etc all goes out the window the minute he sees me. It's as if I was the one who cheated and pulled out of the marriage. His anger is so toxic.
We are moving all communication to email, which will hopefully allow the toxicity to end. He moved out to find his happiness, but he is angrier than ever.
