Gosh, ladies, way to make a woman feel validated and supported from all sides. Thank you, May, PT and Gerda. xx
I am resolute in being the best, most stable mama I can be right now. My younger two are doing just fine. For them it is kind of exciting to have so much attention from each parent (poor, poor last children in a big family; always grateful for the crumbs, so when they get the whole cake it is like hitting the jackpot!). The older two are having a rough go of it. When H & I are NC, I feel entirely able to pivot my attention from mourning H and my M, and onto the wellbeing of the kids. Thanks, PT, for that image. It is a good one to work towards.
And May, thanks for the reminder about enabling. I know that I am more emotionally evolved than H, and it has always been my 'duty' to use that in a way that creates the most good with the least harm. But I am failing to include the harm that it is causing me in that calculation. Enabling is a trigger word for me that I learned in IC, I am working so hard on not enabling H any longer and need constant reminders. (((May)))
Gerda, what a ride you have been on. Stronger than an ox, you are. I admire your stamina. I am desperate for any intuitive cues that I should keep standing for my M and be the gentle, validating, steady force in my MLCer's life. But it is so tough to take care of my own heart as well as 4 other little hearts. My son has the potential to take your son's path and I am grateful that H moved out so early in this process. I am attempting to be authentic with them (they see me cry, they know I am sad about my M), but I also am firm with them that they are not responsible for my emotions and don't need to take care of me and aren't responsible for 'fixing' it. I am not sure if I am doing this right, but my intentions are for them to see me being authentic and also know that it is my job to take care of them and not the other way around.
