KNOW it is nothing about you but its his stuff The MLCer is not living in reality
Peace, a lot of what you wrote resonated with me, but this is the take-home reminder I needed today. Thank you for that. It is not my stuff, it's his. I've got a heavy enough load as it is, I don't also need to carry his.
Originally Posted by scout12
Gaslighting. I used to write down each conversation immediately after it happened, then call a trusted friend or family member and repeat it back to them. Relaying it back word for word, and seeing the horrified reactions from those people, was the wake-up call I needed to see it for what it was. I also saw my psychologist every other week to get an impartial third party's perspective. I guarantee you are not doing anything objectionable. You're not going mad, I promise. You are being subjected to an insidious form of abuse driven by his desperate need to shift the blame and justify his betrayal. I'd strongly advise grey rocking him. NC is the way, the truth, and the light. Do not validate abuse.
Scout, as usual, spot on reflection. I have been doing the same thing; sharing with trusted confidants who are horrified that a woman whom they consider to be strong and wise would subject herself to this for even a microsecond. And I know I am going to sound like the proverbial abuse victim who keeps explaining away an abuser's behavior, but here is what I truly believe: he is so out of his mind with this whole MLC (or maybe mental illness or sociopathic narcissism, I just read bttrfly's update on Cardinal's thread) that he truly is not intentionally gaslighting me. In his distorted reality he actually hears me screaming when I am whispering. He hears the negative when I am actually saying something positive.
And May, NO I DO NOT want to be friends with this person in front of me. He is the opposite of any human I would be naturally attracted to at this moment in time, neither as a friend or a lover. And he is certainly not acting as any member of my family would act (sperm donor? Might be the best label for him at the mo). I want him out of my space and out of my life right now. Grey rock. And you're right, these interactions are creating more toxicity and need to stop.
But the kids. It keeps coming back to what's best for the kids. And they are having their own issues with him, so it is doubly tough. Ugh ugh ugh. THIS IS SO HARD.
