A year on and standing 2

[ToSmile]

Hi Steve,

Thanks for your reply, something to shake me awake more too.

What I had been doing this period was:

1. Continue going out as and when, and skipping going over to her place to dine with my in laws when I do not feel like to
2. Keeping up with my exercising routine
3. Get things that I like and splurge on myself
4. Stopped sharing ride to work in the morning as I noted the day starts better for me that way then being on a journey with her

Her behavior was something that I noted recently which have affected my detachment I supposed. I would have thought that things might be improving and thus sub-consciously starts being nice although I keep reminding myself of the analogy that she is in the castle and I am out there having a picnic and ignore her until she get out of the bridge and get close herself.

On the Dog part, yeah, it was just after BD back then and I was thinking of giving it in to her if she wish to have one because she loves dogs. But then over time I note that its she loves dog but not taking care of dog which now the dog is mostly the responsibility of the Helper and she painted the impression to the kids that I am the one who wanted the dog. This is also because she had been telling the kids they have responsibility over the dog to take care of it as well (Clearing it's poo and pee) but when when the kids questioned her back on her responsibility, she claims I am the one who wanted the dog.

And indeed, I am afraid. I am actually quite worry for my children on how they may react. I know that sandi post had mentioned before that some LBS may use children as an excuse to indeed take that step but this hesitation crossed my mind again last week when I was casually chatting with my son and he mentioned that are we separating? They would not want us to separate. Thus, this was a big part that is affecting me and I am looking for to understand more of what he really things when the counselling session for them resumes next week (it was halted due to the pandemic) that I would like to find out from a third party how they are really taking this. As both chaps are very sensitive and they seldom portray their real emotions for worries of being a burden or hurting someone.

The thoughts did come to my mind. Setting a deadline. If by that date and it's still such nonsense, we'll just call it a day with me taking the initiative. But it just stopped at that when my thoughts switched back to the 2 kids. I have also considered that it is an unhealthy situation that what kind of understanding they are getting for a marriage to be watching us as examples. I will have to set my foot down...