Cardinal, I pray you and yours stay safe during the fires. I have dear family who are on evacuation watch.
I asked that all my threads be pulled and won't be posting much here, but will continue to read and follow along, posting from time to time. I've found out that my exh was most assuredly involved with OW while still married to me. Not sure at all how long that went on prior to BD. I also don't think she's been told the truth at all either, which completely unnerves me, so take what I'm saying here and filter it through that lens. Truth is, it's too easy to find me, and she amped it up over the weekend with a direct assault via email. It was revelatory and incredible -- I now think that MLC is the tip of the iceberg in my case. Minimally NPD and sociopathic behavior as well, with a truly sadistic streak. I need to pull back to stay incognito.
Forget the past. Forget the memories you have. You may be the only one keeping them. It's time for you to make new memories and move forward. Make yourself someone he'd be a fool to have left. But do it for you, because in the end, he may not care at all but you'll have a great new life.
I now know my exh was heavily involved w/OW, demanded all kinds of things and got them then started telling me he loved me, and dragged our divorce out six months after I told him to stop saying that unless he wanted to work on the marriage. Why? God alone knows. Why was he so absolutely furious with me when the divorce was finalized? He screamed at me that he never wanted this and don't put it all on him. All the while, they may have even been living together, with her thinking we'd been divorced for God knows how long. He kissed me on at least three separate occasions, including after our court appearance, which we attended hand in hand, with my head on his shoulder and left the same way, hand in hand. He brought me food when I had the flu. But he also shared private emails and phone messages with her and they laughed at me, according to her. None of this makes any logical sense. They are generally not logical. If you're lucky, they won't be as completely b@t$h1t crazy as mine apparently was/is, or as absolutely cruel. My therapist says she's never seen anything to rival the cruelty of this pair in her 20 years of practice. Not a jackpot I wanted to win. And not to say yours is this way, but never forget that people in crisis are in pain. As a result, they don't really care who else is hurting. They can't because there is no space for anyone else in their festering misery. Pray for him and take care of you.
That's the best I have today honey. You will be ok. Allow yourself some grieving time, but don't waste your life wondering about the inner workings of a person in crisis.
xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
