OK but what I really want is for you to show up in your green cape and workpants and workboots and beat the crap out of H and his lawyer. Would that also be possible? That's something I could fall confidently into.
LOL!
Boots, pants, and a cape. Gosh, I’d be half naked. I’d need a hard hat, eye protection, hearing protection, work gloves,... (hee hee)
Originally Posted by Gerda
Here's the thing I have been noticing. It's the court stuff and the messages from lawyers and brokers. I have been writing my papers for the next stupid pointless conference of H trying to get out of even the crappy stipulation he forced me to stick to before Covid, and everything I write in it is so true and clear and obvious. And yet I know that my particular judge, the one who won't let us move on to trial for some reason -- is very likely to just scream at me as much as she screams at him and that she might do something that will force me to file an appeal.
And yet, what is scary about that? Why does it make me feel like someone is coming to kill me?
Because you view(ed) your marriage as your life.
The death of your marriage triggers the same emotional responses as someone trying to kill you.
Uncouple that.
This is business now. That’s all. Just money.
Originally Posted by Gerda
There is a lot I am leaving out here but I am just trying to say that I have the same depths of anxiety and fear, wake up almost sick with it, but it's all compartmentalized. I have total detachment from H, no feelings of missing him or loving him or any of that, but I am terrified of anything related to the D. None of them know that, I look very tough to them. But I hate feeling that way and letting it cloud my mind, I hate how much time it [censored] from my life and my work and my mood with my kids -- and every fiber of my being longs for freedom from this horror, just to live on my own, no longer tied to this disgusting process and his fangs in my leg, not letting me go.
Fear is insidious and pervasive. Darkly it spreads, asserting its rule upon your life.
I do empathize and understand. (((Gerda)))
Let go the hate and the horror.
It’s business now. Stopping letting it svck time away from you and your kids, your life, your mood.
I am sorry you need to apply for a delay on the stipulation. It’s unfortunate your rental income is down and a projected one year extension is the necessary recourse.
The June 1st deadline has come and passed without an offer. H did not get it reappraised, and you do not have the funding anyhow. It is a narrow view to think that the court will hold H to his part and grant you an extension. You need to consider putting forth a continuance with both sides taken into context.
Propose everything remains as is, until June 1 2021. You get time to get your funding. H has ample time to sell, at his grossly inflated price, or reappraise in a post-Covid world.
You see how much H is attempting to worm his way out. All you are asking for is one little digit change 2020 to 2021. Not to reopen the entire mess. Keep it framed like that. It’s good and fair for both parties.
Originally Posted by Gerda
I know that no matter what, this is what I want. Because even if I have to sell the place next month, I have to do it without H and his broker. You cannot believe the nefarious things they have done,the lying and the false documents. So I just want to be free of them even if I have to sell the place right away.
I do understand the injustice of it all. You have endured much from H and his league of lawyers, brokers, and so on. It sure would feel good to win and strike back.
Do you want to be correct or be happy?
By the way these are not mutually exclusive. It’s just that our correctness usually is in a form of showing our spouse (and their L, and the courts, and so on) how incorrect they all are. That doesn’t sound very happy does it.
Selling a place the very next month, sounds to be in the realm of feeling not knowing. I also do not have all the facts which does present me a limited view. Please take it with a grain of salt. Know, I support you Gerda!
These are just some thoughts and beliefs from a caring non-lawyer friend. The non-lawyer part is a caveat for the legal opinions I expressed. (Ha, sounds lawyer-like)
Now where is my shirt...
I sat down for a Nanaimo bar...
Next thing I know I feel a breeze...
Take care my friend.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
