Finding patience and facing fear

[DnJ]

Hello Kind

Thank you for inquiring to my wellbeing. Overall I am doing fantastic. Loving life.

I am currently experiencing some manner of illness, I’ve been basically out of commission for a few days. My myriad of strange symptoms do run rather close to Covid. I am awaiting test results, should be within the next week. As such I am currently isolating at home. Lots of time, and not the energy to make use of it. Lol.

fear and confusion left me in a flight or fight state of not knowing what to do and mixed up rationalizations. I think in the back of my head I still think if he thinks I’m fine it’s almost “letting him off the hook”, that his behaviour is completely fine....twisted I know.

Oh, the mixed up rationalizations. I do know how twisted they do get.

I responded to IronWill on my thread regarding excusing vs forgiving.

Separate the person from the behaviour.

Excusing is disingenuous; it is “letting him off the hook”. Giving behaviour a pass, letting it be completely fine.

Forgiveness is for the person.

There is a difference. Finding it, is part of that twisted path we walk.

I do realize your point is more about dropping rope. And in my opinion, we get tangled up trying to excuse behaviour while dropping the rope.

Rinse. Repeat. Rinse. Repeat .... I can’t hear this enough. This board is the only place I get validation from people who “know and get it”. This applies to the MLC mask you speak of as well. Thank you.

You are very welcome.

And why do they act nice when they are up to something? Guilt?

I like that you use the word act, instead of behave.

Act or behave speaks to their authenticity and sincerity; the reason behind the action. Behaving - it’s who they are. Acting - they are after something.

For a person lost within MLC, act is the correct word.

For sure guilt plays a role. That emotion eats away at them. It’s like you said, they are up to something.

These people are immature emotionally. Remember when you were child and wanted to do something that you knew you parents would not really be too happy about. You probably, like I did, tried to butter them up first before asking. Acted all nice (and so crafty, I recall my young self cleverly thinking lol).

Of course parents see right through that BS. Hahaha. Even as I tired this, in the back of my mind I knew it wasn’t going to work. I was just trying to lessen the consequences. This is especially used when kids fess up to stuff.

MLCers are self involved and emotionally young. When H acts nice, he is buttering you up, trying to defect your attention away something his is doing. Most times, it’s rather a pathetic attempt at hiding something. These grown adults, now reverted to younger selves, are still thrust into the grown up world. Their crafty and clever schemes are as easily seen as my childhood one’s were.

I suppose a caveat is in order as well. There are times when the MLCer does pull it together and truly does craft a cunning plan. I think their deviousness becomes honed the further along they are. At first they are more amicable, in love, the world is my oyster, no one else knows true love, we are soulmates, this is what is meant for me, blah, blah, blah. You know the spiel they push.

As time and fate erode that foundation of sand they built upon, they do grow up a bit. Best to be prepared.

I think I find difficulty with sharing the space in that I used to come home from work and see his car in the driveway and be sooo happy he was home to now a pit of dread that has replaced that old happy feeling.

I think, from your current post on cardinal’s thread, you realize this takes as long as it takes.

You do control you. That pit of dread - are you reinforcing it? Feelings will flit when not reinforced.

You are doing very good my friend.

D