Dnj, there are moments where wish I was in your shoes: the partner that walked and never looked back. I don’t wish that on my children, but I have for all intents and purposes raised them on my own anyway, so having to suddenly negotiate time with them feels extra harsh.
I do understand the allure of the partner that walks away and never looks back.
I would never wish that upon anyone. So much hurt and pain was compressed into such a small timeframe. Yes, my situation was rather swift and not dragged out. Still, like all situations, a heavy toll was levied and paid.
I think the true allure is for the shoes I am currently standing in, not the ones I used to be in. Funny thing, I suppose they are the same shoes. It’s the destination. It’s the journey.
I never had to experience the harshness of politely negotiating with my spouse, so to spend time with my own kids. After BD, I had no further input or help from W regarding the children’s upbringing, schooling, dating, bra shopping, etc. Everything suddenly became my sole responsibility. Groceries, bills, cars, and so on. Discipline, reward, morals, values, birth control... it’s a long list when you’re hands are the only one’s holding it.
There’s never a break. Granted my children were teens and young adults. Not so much direct involvement required as younger children. However, this is quite a mess for a teen to find themselves within - a mom who doesn’t love or want them anymore. There are many many dark and dangerous roads for an adolescent to seek escape from such a painful slap across the face.
This was a challenging journey. Many open and difficult conversation with my children were had. Lots of questions asked, and surprisingly lots of questions actually answered. This is an incredible opportunity; one very few people even realize exists, never mind experience.
My wife’s leaving and not looking back, is just that. I was lost for a while. Scared and drowning in pain. And I walked out of that flaming wreckage.
We all start differently, and yet find ourselves upon a similar path. I know I’m not in your shoes, however I will walk with you, if you like.
In truth, when I started my journey, I wished for a more “normal” MLC spouse, and not one of such extreme. I had so wished she had remained living in the home. Lol.
We work on ourselves, and time does indeed heal. Perceptions do change.
I am truly happy. I have peace and joy and love.
Continue walking this most unwanted journey Sage. It’s ok, and quite normal, to have moments of wishing a different path. I did plenty of that.
Stay strong. You got this.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
