It is okay to use the board to sound off your emotions. At the same time, you need to hear what the board is saying. These folks know how you feel, and they know you will not make any headway until you change how you process your thoughts and deal with your emotions. They have pointed out some controlling attempts, and I'll go further and say your text after seeing her with OM, was an attempt to shame her. I'm not saying she didn't deserve it, but it doesn't work in your favor. Therefore, I'd like to suggest you make it a personal rule to not text your W right after seeing her face to face. Your emotions are raw, and it may be challenging to control them......but you can choose how you respond. It's always a choice.
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I'm 44 and feel like there will.be no future relationship.
No future relationship with whom? Your W? Someone new? It bothers me when I read where a LBS has placed their self worth into the hands of another person. It's great to be admired, loved, and respected by someone we love and want to share our lives. However, if that individual goes out of their mind, does that make us less desirable, less respectable, less valuable as a person? These days, a 44 yr old male is still young. I am reminded of when I reached my 30th birthday, someone asked my 8 yr old son if knew the age of his mother. He said, "I don't know, but I'd guess about 70". Such an ego booster, that kid of mine! I'm not making fun of your concerns, I'm just trying to lift the mood by assuring you everyone doesn't look through the same pair of eyes.
We have some "vets" who are much further down the road from you, who initially felt pretty much the same as you feel now. They can tell you that life goes on, and that you can be happy with or without your W. If you cut everyone out of your life except her, then you've got to build a new life. Once you decide to let go and leave her alone, you'll start to have healthier thoughts about yourself and your life. Who knows what she'll do with her own life? One thing is for certain, you need a plan of action to guide you through this mess. If you will listen to what the board is saying, you'll start putting it together.
((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I'm not making fun of your concerns, I'm just trying to lift the mood by assuring you everyone doesn't look through the same pair of eyes. 