I'm not a therapist either but here are my thoughts. Woman typically don't want control of finances, vacations, security, fixing things etc. They want to the man to take care of it. When they don't and the woman has to take it over (perceived control) the resentment builds. Couple that with your OCD/Narc traits that nothing he ever did was good enough and he most likely felt emasculated and unappreciated. OW comes along and KK is expendable. The truth of the matter is if you are honest with yourself you were not happy either. Your relationship was very toxic. You just feel safe with stability are more afraid of the unknown.
I didn't mind doing the finances and family planning. But, he became resentful???
I always appreciated how hard my H worked, but I will admit maybe he didn't feel my appreciation. I showed appreciation by keeping a clean house, meal cooking, laundry. In hindsight, yes those things were important to him but his love language is physical touch. That's where I should have been focusing but so stuck in my own head.
Regardless my H did feel emasculated, rejected, neglected, trapped/imprisoned. Right or wrong that is how he felt.
I understand how he feels. I accept how he feels. Maybe one day he feels differently.
I do realize that I'm not doing my head any good staying in contact with him. I'm signing up today for a workshop in an art studio. I need to get out of the house and focus on other things. I will be getting back to work tomorrow and after being gone for several days I will have a pile of charts on my desk.
