moving forward and beyond

[may22]

I think it is great how you're able to understand where your parents are coming from and why, but totally get how you are feeling. Of course they want to protect you just like you want to protect your own kids. FWIW I think you're doing the right thing.

To the extent you can, talking with S11 and keeping the door open for conversations is so important, I think. I wonder, though, if you just pushing the questions off to your H is necessarily the right move? I don't know and am just offering this as an idea-- YOU know that your H is incapable of answering them well and your 11 year old probably knows that in his bones as well, so offering for him to call H is really not a good answer. I wonder if more validating around that-- I'm confused too, it is hard, it feels weird not knowing where he's living and I get it, I know how you're feeling, give me a hug-- and then really reinforcing to him as much as possible that YOU are there, you aren't going anywhere, etc-- could help? Maybe you're already doing all of that. It was just as I was reading what you wrote, it felt a little like "call dad to ask him that" from your son's perspective might feel like a dead end and that you don't really want to talk about it either, so he has nowhere to turn.

If you want to go to the event-- go! And what does being honest hurt at this point? Do what feels right to you. If you don't feel you want to engage in the conversations if they come up when you're there, but you still want to go, maybe have a good topic changing line at hand?