Thanks everyone who responded. I agree, AtlDave that I want to avoid the long, drawn out R conversation that my W and I tend to have. It's beginning to sound like a tape recorder on an endless loop. We never seem to resolve very much. I think just putting my heartfelt desire out there (making myself vulnerable), telling her what I see as her choices to make, and then telling her what the consequences of those choices will be is the best way to do it. I'm sure she will want to drag me into the usual mix, but I can be pretty stubborn, so if I go there, it's only because I let myself do it, which I need to try to avoid.
As for having this conversation on vacation, I'll just have to see how it goes. I was kind of envisioning it during the ride home, but I will have to figure out when is appropriate.
As for the time frames being a cop out, are they really? I say that the 5 year outlook is fuzzy, which means that it is not certain we'll be married then. Remember, I am really devoted to my daughter, and seeing that she ends up okay. It is a question I will have to ask myself (if W won't work on the R): Can I be a better father to her away from W? This is the question I answered "yes" to for other reasons with my 1st wife. Here, I would have to balance the damages of growing up in a house where the mom and dad obviously don't care for each other, versus the damage of growing up in a divorced family. That's a hard one...and there have been lots of debates on those issues on this board and elsewhere.
I am trying to be optimistic about all of this. Thanks, Effexor!
